True March Madness:  Living with Teenagers in their Natural Habitats

by John V. Upton, Executive Director

In the dead of winter it is often fun to reflect on former days when life bordered on madness and we didn’t know it.  Only in reflection do we gain an appreciation for the joy of life as we know it now.  It wasn’t long ago that my wife and I had a fresh reminder of what life is like living with teenagers.  We had a young lady live with us for five or six months as she dealt with some major issues in her life and past.  Deb and I were thrilled at having a young, vivacious, and engaging presence in the house.  It was a thrill, but there were some things we had forgotten.

We did remember that every person needs space to call their own and wanted to be cooperative in this venture.  So Deb went shopping with our young guest, just as she had done with our children when they were teenagers.  They shopped for curtains and matching bedspreads.  I set up bookshelves and hung pictures, having a good time.  Then the transformation began.  Sooner than we expected, any recognition we had of that section of our house disappeared.

If the home is a man’s castle, what is a teenager’s room?  It is a unique combination of urban slum and a chamber of horrors.  If a room is shared with a sibling, as was the case with our children, each corner of the room becomes “distinctive” to the child occupying it.  Soon that part of our house was like visiting a foreign country.  Posters of movie stars, athletes, and Beyoncé and other musicians nearly covered the fresh paint I had spent days painting.  The rug was hidden under tennis shoes, t-shirts, and other unidentifiable objects.  Even old posters that had belonged to our kids began reemerging from storage and appearing on the walls – including a huge, frightening poster with a T-Rex devouring a helpless little creature.  That is not an adult choice for greeting each morning.  Even the old “No Trespassing” sign hung on the door.  This is simply an early warning to health inspectors and sanitation engineers to enter at their own risk.

In the Bible, Job was an adult when he faced his rancid heap; had be been fourteen years old, he would have felt right at home.  Eventually, war is declared.  “The room must be cleaned!” command the parents.  Even then the issue, at best, is only temporarily resolved.  We’ll have the same discussion next week.  It may be that such confrontations must occur as children move toward adulthood. 

All this reminded me why I say, “our children never gave us a minute’s trouble.”  What I was reminded of was that they gave us hours and days of it instead.

Of course, in declaring war it helps to remember that it is not like real war where everybody loses.  It is the “lamb’s war” where sheep and lions lie down together and a balance of freedom and responsibility are won.  Yes, children should clean up their rooms!  Knowing this will probably not get a messy room cleaned any sooner, but it may enable parents to face growling T-Rexs with a smile.

It often amazes me how much loving a teenager and loving a congregation have in common. Maybe that is because many of us are still in the adolescent phase of our Christian walk. 

O Lord, help us never to confuse cleanliness and orderliness with godliness.  And please, spare us from more clutter and chaos than we can stand.  In the name of him who dignified a manger and whose teenage years were intently never recorded.  Amen.