A “Purpose Driven Life” Concern

by John V. Upton, Executive Director

Many are continuing to build on the fertile ground the “Purpose Driven Life” emphasis has cultivated in their church. In speaking with many church leaders following their 40-day emphasis, I have observed something that has raised a concern for me. Let me explain the concern this way.

One of the most awkward moments that occurs in human relationships is that moment when one person gives a gift to another. It can be a very vulnerable feeling to try to give a gift. It can take a long time between the moment you place a gift in someone’s hands and the moment they have opened it and responded to it. It can seem like an eternity. And we know why. If they don’t like the gift, it can hurt badly. If it delights and pleases then the giver is more delighted and pleased then the receiver.

Do you now why gift giving feels so vulnerable? It is because we are full of endless insecurities. It feels as if we are taking a risk because gifts are a symbol of my value, my worth, and my love. It is a symbol of my place in the relationship. It is a symbol of myself in your hands.

People talk about how hungry they are to be loved, but we are just as hungry, and sometimes more so, to have someone we can love. We all need someone to receive our love from us with delight. It is a fundamental human need, not just to be cared for, but to have someone who will receive our care. We need to give love. We were made to give love. We need a person, a community, or something to pour our love into as into a vessel or we are not fulfilled.

Now this is the saddest truth I know, there are those on whom we wish we could pour out our love but they won’t let us do it. Sometimes it is not overt rejection, it is just conditional.

I talk of this human need because the “Purpose Driven Life” process many of us have gone through in our churches has tapped into this need and passion. I’ve watched church member after church member pour their hearts into seeking God’s purpose for their life. It has awakened a courage within them to try something new with their lives, with their families, with their time. Therefore, there is a sense of vulnerability in many of our church members right now. Many are nervous wondering if their ideas will be accepted, will their outpouring be rejected, will it be accepted conditionally only, or will fire hoses wash it away like so many times before.

My concern is that systems, including churches family systems, have a way of saying “No” in one fashion or another. I have watched this happen time and time again. Our church members have opened this window of vulnerability to move out of their lives that are locked up, loveless, and spiritually dead. They will offer this gift one time before they get the message to not make themselves vulnerable again.

It is my hope we will learn to say with passion to those who seek to give their new found gifts: “Let it loose!”; “Pour it out!”; “Offer your gift!”; “Offer all of it, every drop of it!” And you know who will benefit, our churches will, the stranger will, the hungry, the lonely, the lost, whoever God puts in their path, will.